Jokes For Woman Work – We Need Yours!
WE NEED JOKES
O.K. I’ll start. I think we need some jokes. I’d like to turn this into a regular thing. You can add your jokes to the comments. I do moderate your first few posts, and you must register. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER – I WILL NEVER SELL OR DISTRIBUTE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS!
I’m sorry about this, but you wouldn’t believe the kinds of spam we get if we don’t do this! A little homor wil be good for our health. Haven’t you ever just had the worst day, and then felt uplifted when you heard something funny?
Keep the jokes moderately clean…PLEASE. Let’s say give them an R rating or better. You can be funny without being too smutty. And also, feel free to post a tasteful link to your own website – again keep that R rating or I’ll have to remove the links. I mean, my daughter reads this blog!
Ok, I’ll start…..
Adam’s Rib
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, “This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to takecare of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed”.
Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God said, “An arm and a leg.”
To which Adam replied, “What can I get for just a rib?” The rest is history.
Woman’s Glossary
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, “made the dinner.”
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician.”
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say “focus,…breath…push…”
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers.”
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
————————————-
O.K. Now post yourself some jokes….
Related posts:
Hey, I’ll dive in, and i’m sorry if you think this is bad. I love puns though.
At the UPS cargo phone center where I worked, a woman called and said, “I need a baseball quote.”
I immediately answered with Yogi Berra’s famous quote: “It ain’t over ’til it’s over!”
There was a brief moment of silence before the woman asked, “What was that?”
“You asked me for a baseball quote,” I responded, “and that was the first thing that came into my head.”
“Oh,” she replied. “My husband told me to call and get a baseball quote.”
I asked if she wanted to ship something, and she said she did.
Then it dawned on me: “Do you mean you want a ballpark figure?”
Well, from that post, I got the most traffic off of people looking for blonde jokes. You just never know!